Arghhh

Dunno why but i kinda am getting frustrated these days.

Whats with sweet sixteen...i mean its totally not sweet. Exams, study and more exams. Initially thought i could handle it...be optimistic, but why am i not feeling that way now?

I wouldnt want my posts to sound like a rambling session but kinda cant help it.

The only thing comforting now was jy - Thanks so much!- Cant wait to go on our shopping spree next week:)

Didnt have exams today so i stayed at home and slacked the whole day, cant just bring myself to study...whats waiting for me are chem papers..zzz..i seriously dun mind doing but her attitude is just driving me up the wall. Used to respect her and now...well she's just another person. I really dun need her critical eye now...its not like i didnt cared abt chem, i seriously do and even loved it (for a while at least) but she's making it rather hard for me. I had a notion to get an A1 for chem to show her that i can do it, and i will do my best.

Like most of my friends, i am waiting for the day i can get out of this school. I do love my school but all good things come to an end and i am ready, and want to move on. A new environment would be really nice, you can start over and not have to experience the same mundane life i kinda am living in now. Kudos to the phrase "All work and no play makes jack a dull boy". Well i am feeling rather dull rite now. I need to start a new life!!

I thought i would never have to say this but here it is - "I dun like Chinese!" I do want to get an A1 for it but since i didnt, i am willing to retake it at the end of the year...but its not like i am going to put in my best effort in it, as it is, this topic has been like an extinguished flame. Mundane revision and worksheets simply squashed it out...dun feel like taking it tomorrow.

Just realised my schhol wasnt at all that innocent i initially thought it was...now that i am in the graduating batch, i found out that they are basically results-obssessed. Take him for example, just prior to our eng orals, he kept reminding us to 'follow our teachers closely', 'have to do our best'etc etc. Its seriously getting on my nerves...i mean everything seems so satirical. I thought he would be more concerned about our welfare but all i see in his eyes and hear from his mouth are A1s and value-added achievements.

Haiz..I am so tired. Mentally. I do admit that i totally slacked today but i dont see the point in studying today. I was not in the mood to do it. Even so, i did a whole chem paper (her hw) albeit half-heartedly. I cant help but snicker at myself, why am i pushing so hard to get an A for the prelims when the o'levels are actually a notch easier than those papers invented to 'train' us? Its totally demoralising.

Imagine my disappointment after doing chem papers consistently for the whole of the June holidays. I didnt aim for an A1 but something better than a 'just pass' and i dun even want to think about the feeling she gave to me after announcing my results in front of the class. Her tone is just...confidence-crushing. Nevertheless, i decide to ignore it. But she totally went too far that fateful day. i noe its my fault for not doing the work she assigned but did she need to say all those hurtful stuff? Does not doing your homework makes you unqualified for the 'pure' chem stream? And whats with the "Those that shouldnt be hanging are still hanging on..."? She lost my respect on that very day.

As if their pressure's not enough, my parents had to chip in. I am really thankful that all these years they have been understanding and left my studies to myself. But i guess the o's is a big matter. I totally snapped at them when my mum mentioned that i should study instead of reading before bed. As if that wasnt enough she had to mention it again. Last night, my dad took that role. Nooo...

And of course i love my family, and always will...

This has been my only post that i have let myself out and after this, i hope to feel better...


Someone's watching over me by hilary duff

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
Took this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

I will be ok,
Kahmun:)